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A glimpse into the brain of a writer-momma-nerd.

June 12

Posted by nattya61 on June 19, 2010

Birth and death are sometimes pretty similar events. The hospital is usually the location. There are doctors and nurses scattering everywhere with family members either getting into or trying to stay out of the way. There are tubes going in and out of the patient, connecting her to machines and monitors. Sometimes there’s blood, maybe a little, maybe a lot. There’s urine, vomit. People may have trouble breathing.

Everything is followed by the sound of crying or people in awe, some simply amazed that it happened, while others are grateful it’s over. Once it’s finished, everything has changed and nothing will ever be the same again.

June 12, 2010 marked 8 years that Mom has been gone. In ways it seems like forever ago and in others it seems like just yesterday. Being in the hospital having Nicholas made me think of her. I hate hospitals, but I’m used to them. Bryan hates hospitals, and he is not used to them. We hate them for the same reason. They are too cold, sterile, unfeeling yet at the same time they are too hot, smelling of bodily fluids, and when you are there you feel way too much.

I think of Mom every day. I’m angry that she didn’t get the help she needed in time to be saved from herself. I’m sad she won’t get to pinch little Nick and make those noises she’d make when she thought something was just too cute for words. However, the old adage does ring true that time heals. I don’t cry that she’s gone anymore. I can watch movies she liked without being too sad. But even after 8 years, I still have moments every day where I wish she was still sitting in her chair, doling out advice that I didn’t know I wanted, but that now I miss when it’s gone.


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